What do expats do and say most of all in their first year in Spain? Here’s our top ten list of hilarious things just for you! Do you recognise yourself in Skatz’s top ten? Can you suggest any more things?

Prefer to watch the video? Click the picture below. Or carry on reading for the article!

1

Posting the Spanish weather forecast every morning on social media and gloating…

I live here! 
Sunshine emoji! 
Typical Spanish weather for (insert month here). 
Hashtag better put some lotion on.
*Giggles* 

2

While shopping for wine in a Spanish supermarket, commenting to other Brits…

€2.30 for a bottle of Rioja, you’re having me on mate, I never pay more than 1,50!
We’re having a special bottle for Friday night, I might spend as much as a fiver. 

3

Posting pictures of blue skies, beaches, palm trees and your tanned bald head in the winter with grinning emojis

Sorry, not sorry! *Giggles*
Just topping up the tan, darlings 
Just another normal January day on the Costas
I… live… here!

4

Posting pictures of food you’re eating at lunchtime, wearing shorts and holding up a pint of beer.  

It’s never too early for a pint in Spain!
Lunch on the beach? Don’t mind if I do!
When you live here, it’s like being on holiday, EVERY DAY. 

5

Talking to the local Spanish bar staff. 

This pint would’ve cost me a fiver back home! 
You’re telling me that’s a single shot? You could drown an ‘orse in that.
Oh look I’ve got it all down my BEAUTIFUL CHEST!

6

Sitting in an English pub in Spain eating fish & chips.

I came to Spain to integrate into the community and embrace the culture, cheers! 
Viva Espanyaaaaa!
Pass the ketchup, I’m going to dribble it all over. *Giggles*

7

Going shopping in Spain at Iceland or the British supermarket every week. 

Baked beans, steak & kidney pie, Walls sausages, real bacon & you can’t have a proper Sunday roast without Bisto.
You can’t miss out on your favourite foods just because you live in Spain.
The things I can do with Marmite!
*Giggles*

8

On flying visits from Spain to England, telling everyone on the plane 

I  weren’t on holiday in Spain ya know, thanks for asking.
Oh will you look at the weather!
I’m so glad I packed my thermals.
It’s so much warmer in Spain.

9

On more flying visits from Spain to England, telling family & friends 

It’s the first time I’ve worn long trousers for 6 months.
Can’t stop long Mum, I’ll lose my Spanish tan
When you come over and visit me in Spain, I’ll take you to the Bingo

10

On even more flying visits from Spain to England, telling every shop owner and all checkout staff 

Sorry I’m not used to English money any more, I live in Spain, ya know.
Have you got San Miguel, I drink that all the time in Spain… where I live
*Giggles*

11

On all flying visits to England, talking about the prices of drinks and the quality of the wine. 

They only send the s**t stuff over here!
A tenner for a bottle of wine, I can get one better than this from my local Bodega for a quid.
Did I tell you about the day I went wine tasting?
No point buying wine here, I live in Spain

12

On further reluctant flying visits from Spain to England 

I’m bringing as much tobacco and beer as I can, bruv, I hope you’ve got a van to pick me up in.
You can get this stuff for a tenth of the price in my local supermarket in Spain.
Here’s another bottle of gin for your collection. Don’t put it anywhere I wouldn’t!
*Giggles*

13

On return flights to Spain from England, telling everyone 

I can’t wait to get back to my terrace and open a bottle of San Miguel.
Did I tell you I live there?
Are we there? I haven’t got my lotion on! Slap it all over, I’m coming in to land!
*Giggles*

14

When family & friends visit, taking them on a guided tour

This is my fridge, look at all that food, only cost me a tenner
You don’t have to buy any food, most of it grows on trees here
I don’t cook very much, you can get a menu del dia for eight quid at the caf and they throw in a bottle of wine
And this is my beer fridge, guess how much these 24 cans cost me. Go on, have a guess!
I’m not showing you the bedroom, it gets all sweaty in there.
*Giggles*

15

Talking about Spanish drivers 

They never use their sodding indicators!
They’re all s**t, the number of times I’ve nearly been killed, it’s a wonder I’m still here!
Did I tell you about Spanish roundabouts. They’re absolutely mad, there aren’t any rules.
The rules are stupid, they don’t make any sense at all!
You get used to them when you live here… like I do

16

Going to traditional Spanish events and posting…

They have fiestas and carnivals every other day in Spain. That’s where I live now, you know.
I do Karaoke at the Rose & Crown every Wednesday night. That’s proper Spanish that is. They do an enormous paella!
Any excuse for a party, the Spaniards are mad for it.
*Giggles*

Peace & love everybody! Let’s dance!

Article by Skatz